


All a-Buzz about Something

by klepto_maniac0



Series: Heroes All [9]
Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: F/M, Silly, Smut, Witty Banter, hilarious awkwardness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:01:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22683640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klepto_maniac0/pseuds/klepto_maniac0
Summary: "You guys are all being really weird about a back massager," huffed Selphie. "It's a medical device! It's not like it's something dirty."
Relationships: Seifer Almasy/Quistis Trepe
Series: Heroes All [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/821172
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	All a-Buzz about Something

Birthdays were a lot more enjoyable when you had people to celebrate with. Newly nineteen and feeling very good about life, Quistis beamed at her cluster of dear friends as the celebration dinner wound down and it came time to open presents. She was far from greedy but had been glancing at the sizable pile of gift-wrapped boxes and tissue-stuffed bags that were sitting in the corner of the rented banquet room and she was just tipsy enough from champagne that she actually clapped a little when Irvine and Raijin began ferrying the gifts to her waiting hands. 

“This one here’s from Rinoa,” said Irvine, and everyone ooh’ed and ahh’d over the selection of colorful and beautifully scented bath bombs, all of which Rinoa swore had some sort of little surprise inside.

“This one is from Selphie,” said Raijin, giving Quistis an irregularly wrapped lump that turned out to be a custom plush doll of Quistis’s favorite guardian force, which Selphie had sewn herself. 

“Lemme give this one,” said Seifer, intercepting Irvine as he started to hand Quistis a large, pale blue box. Quistis saw his eyes gleaming devilishly and braced internally, unsure what to expect from her friend with secret benefits. Warily she took the box from him, scrutinizing his broad grin and twinkling eyes. So intensely did she stare at him that she didn’t notice her friends paling when they looked at the box, even though Squall made a noise that would later be described as ‘sick seagull’. 

“Happy birthday,” said Seifer, brimming with glee and giving nothing away. Quistis gave him one more suspicious second of staring before looking at the box.

The box that said ‘Matchless Maternity’ on it in cutesy blue script. 

Quistis’s hands went numb and her face nearly exploded, but not before Seifer airily added, “Because you mother us all the time,” and then ducked as someone groaned and threw something at him. Fortunately her brain managed to process what he said before sheer overwhelming blind panic overtook her, because there was no goddamn way she could be pregnant and even if she was, how the hell would Seifer know before her??? 

“Thank you, son,” she managed to say in tones so dry that a desert would be fertile, and as he laughed again, Quistis opened the box to find a very soft fluffy faux-fur blanket that looked positively luxurious. Her skin shivered in anticipation of rolling up in just the blanket and nothing else, like she’d do after a nice hot shower. Seifer was undoubtedly imagining the same from the heated gleam in his eye and she tried not to laugh at him lest anyone tell what was up. In any case, the quality of the present made up for its prankish presentation.

And so went the rest of the presents, until Zell’s present came up to finish the night. Quistis had no idea what to expect from the long rectangular box, except that it rattled slightly when shook and seemed a little heavy for its size. But knowing Zell, she was sure it was something useful and thoughtful and oh, maybe it was that maintenance kit she’d been chatting him with him about in the most recent issue of Weapons Monthly…

It was not. 

It was… Definitely not. 

Quistis stared at the unwrapped box in her hands, which was a neat white and blue box with a picture of what looked like a thigh-length microphone on it, except the bulbous part was made of waterproof silicon and there were buttons on the ‘microphone’s’ shaft for things like powering on, various speeds, and various modes. Mutely she looked at Zell, her face frozen in a polite anticipatory mask while several parts of her brain began to scream internally at once.

_“WHAT THE HELL, ZELL?”_

_“WHY??”_

_“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS?”_

“It’s a back massager!” Said Zell brightly, as innocent as a day-old chick and shining like the sun. He was clearly very happy to gift it to her. He even more obviously had no idea about this particular massager's ubiquitous presence in pornography because he added, “But you can use it on your shoulders or your arm, since you said it hurts a lot.”

Quistis became aware of sweat beading on her hairline. She became even more aware of most of her friends staring at her, at Zell, at her again, and then splitting their gazes between the massager in her hands and then her right arm, no doubt wondering exactly why it seemed to ‘hurt a lot’. 

She was very, very aware of Seifer, who was ominously silent and had a white-knuckled grip around the wineglass he’d been about to sip from. Her stomach cramped in dread. They were secret lovers, but was he about to blow the lid off by making a scene? Was he angry? Jealous? 

“My mom swears by it,” said Zell blithely, which made nearly everybody, including Seifer, cringe. “She says it’s the only thing that gives her relief after a hard day of work.” 

“That’s… Nice,” said Quistis, social protocol forcing words out of her mouth. “This is nice, Zell. Thank you. So… Much.”

That was similar enough to how she’d thanked her other friends, right? He wouldn’t be able to tell something was wrong, would he? 

“You’re welcome!” He rubbed the back of his neck, seemingly embarrassed. Oh, he was embarrassed now, was he? “I just want you to take care of yourself, you know? You’re under a lot of stress.” 

Quistis nodded mutely, because anything more might allow the silent screaming that now filled all her insides to escape, like steam from a kettle. 

“You deserve to relax,” said Zell with feeling. 

Irvine surged up from his seat with a clatter, his face twitching madly. “I, uh… EXCUSE ME.”

“Excuse me too!” Rinoa shot up as well, not quite as successful in stifling her hilarity. The two of them raced outside the banquet room, throwing the doors open with a BANG that made everyone jump. Selphie blinked rapidly, abruptly deserted since the two of them had been flanking her. 

“What was that all about?” She asked of Squall, who had put his face in his hands and was saying nothing, shoulders shaking madly. 

“BATHROOM?” Fujin offered as she tidied away the gift wrap detritus on the table. 

“Yeah,” deadpanned Seifer, still gripping his wineglass. “I’m sure that’s it.” 

“Speaking of,” said Zell, getting up with an awkward little bob. “Glad you like it, Quisty! Happy birthday!” 

And then he left the banquet room, practically strutting—or maybe he really, really had to go to the bathroom. He didn’t apparently notice how the room was dead silent until he left, and then even after the doors shut the room was still for exactly three seconds more before Raijin started shaking his head. 

“I gotta tell him,” he said, half-standing. Seifer grabbed his arm. 

“Don’t you dare,” said the blond, his voice warming…with glee. Pure malicious glee. “This kind of thing has to gain interest. It's gotta be savored." 

"It's too mean, ya know?" 

"Mean to who?" Seifer jerked his head at Quistis. "She's the one he gave it to. Why's she gotta be embarrassed so you can set the record straight? Imagine how Quistis feels!"

"Too late," said Squall, shaking his head. "We already know you want Zell to suffer. First and foremost."

"You guys are all being really weird about a back massager," huffed Selphie. "It's a medical device! It's not like it's something dirty."

Raijin opened his mouth. Squall put his face in his hands again. Fujin appeared serene, but she was pressing her lips together very, very tightly and her face was turning noticeably pink. And Seifer, well, he looked like it was his birthday and he was about to open a present bigger than he was. So Quistis rapped the table with her knuckles and fixed everyone with a queenly gaze, made super official by the 'birthday girl' crown on her head, courtesy of Selphie. 

"Nobody is saying anything," she said sternly, reserving her gimlet glare for Seifer. "I don't want this to be the only thing I remember from this birthday, alright?"

"Whatever you say," said Seifer with penultimate cheek. And then he toasted her before downing the rest of his wine. 

/\/\/\

(The next morning)

S: “So did you use it?”

Q: “Good morning to you too.”

Q: “And yes. I did.”

S: “And?”

Q: “My back feels great!”

S: “YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN”

Q: “You’re so predictable!”

Q: “Yes, I tried it that way too.”

Q: “Not a fan.”

S: “Not a fan? What do you mean, not a fan?”

Q: “It was…” 

Q: “Well, honestly it was like a sonic cannon to my privates.”

Q: “I couldn’t even keep it on for one second.”

Q: “I actually screamed and threw it across the room.”

S: “Maybe you weren’t using it right.”

Q: “It’s a fairly idiot-proof application, Seifer.”

Q: “Be careful what you’re saying.”

S: “You said it first, not me.”

S: “And anyway, what I meant was that maybe you should start off slower.”

S: “Have you ever even used a vibrator before?”

Q: “Of course I have! Just not that kind.”

Q: “It really is meant to be a body massager. The vibrations are too powerful.” 

S: “Then put a towel under it or something.”

Q: “Why do you care so much about this?”

S: “Why do you think?”

/\/\/\

Barely had the message blipped across Quistis’s Estharian phone when someone suddenly rapped at her window. Quistis, in the middle of getting dressed for the day, jumped and nearly threw her phone into the air before spinning around and seeing a familiar, impatient figure waving at her from outside, mostly hidden by the cover of the dense bushes that grew under both windows. 

She seriously considered shutting the curtains on him and leaving him out there. On the other hand, Seifer was likely to make a pest of himself until he got whatever answers he wanted and it would be easier to deal with him sooner versus later, so Quistis opened the window and helped haul him inside before anyone could see him creeping around. 

“It’s morning,” she said waspishly; usually they reserved the sneaking for evening or later. 

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh my god.”

“I was trying to respect your privacy,” he said nobly, like he wasn’t still covered in bits of leaves and sticks from the outdoors. “And let you get a good night’s rest.” 

“You were looking at porn and jerking it all night.”

“No, because then I would have slept hard last night instead of being hard all last night.”

“That sounds like you need a trip to the infirmary,” said Quistis dryly, unaffected by Seifer’s leer. 

“Not unless it’s a repeat of the Pendant Incident,” he said, which made Quistis blush and wince at the same time. She never wanted cramps in her vagina again, although… Well, everything up until then had been marvelous fun. 

“Anyway, quit being bitchy about this,” said Seifer, which made Quistis bristle. “You know what I’m saying.”

“No, because you’re not using your words like a grown man.”

“Okay, fine!” Seifer nevertheless pinked in the face as he growled out, “I’d like to see you use it, please.”

“No.”

“Why not?” It was almost not a whine. 

“I told you! It was uncomfortable! It was…” She blushed. “Also extremely loud. And…”

“And what?”

She sighed. “I did try again. But it wasn’t nice. I got a reaction, but it wasn’t… Good.”

Seifer stared, uncomprehending. Quistis struggled to come up with another analogy.

“You know when someone tickles you and you just laugh without meaning to? Does that mean you’re having fun?”

“No,” said Seifer, offended. Then understanding bloomed over his face. “Shit, it was like that?”

“Yes.” She fidgeted, her gaze falling to the floor. It was easier to deal with personal things when she was metaphorically hissing and spitting right back, but somehow looking at Seifer and seeing that he was concerned made her feel… Ugh. “It’s fine. I’ll just use it on my back and shoulder.” 

“Hmph. Well, I guess that’s better than getting guilty every time you see Zell.”

Quistis blushed again. “Oh lord. Did you see how happy he was?”

“Oh yeah,” said Seifer with great relish. “He’s gonna be mortified. And before you get all upset about it, remember how he was with me and ‘maniacal’? He takes just as much pleasure taking the piss outta me as I do outta him. It’s how we relate.”

Quistis made a noise of wordless assent because Seifer wasn’t exactly wrong. Sure, Zell was making up for years of opportunistic teasing that could sometimes be outright cruel, but that didn’t mean that constantly cackling over Seifer’s mispronunciations of certain words was nice. 

_(Honestly he still said ‘maniac-all’ sometimes instead of ‘muh-NIGH-ih-cal’ but Quistis couldn’t fault him; Seifer read a lot and had a big vocabulary but didn’t necessarily use it in public, with the result that he had no idea how some words actually sounded. She had the same issue, just with a lot fewer words. It was something they shared that pleased her inordinately but that she’d never admit to.)_

“So where is it?” Seifer asked, which made Quistis put her hands on her hips. 

“Why are you so obsessed with that thing? Do you want it? Because I’ll give it to you. I’m not sure what it’ll do for you but you’re welcome to have it.” 

He rolled his eyes. “You said you threw it across the room. I’m not seeing it anywhere.”

“Well I wasn’t going to leave it lying out! I put it back over there,” said Quistis, gesturing vaguely to her closet. Seifer went there immediately, making Quistis sigh and then sigh again as he began rummaging through her clothes. The massager was sitting on the floor by her boots and he took it out of the box immediately, turning it over in his hands like he was inspecting a new weapon. She took a bit of pleasure out of the way Seifer turned the machine on and jumped when it activated with a loud, distinctive WHIRRR that was outsize to its volume. 

“Oh gods,” he said, dismayed. “That’s a train engine. How do you—” He grasped the vibrating head of the massager and the look of disconcertion on his face deepened the longer he held on. “My hand is going numb.”

“I told you it was powerful.”

“Do you know how much Hyperion shakes every time I fire? I’m used to fucking vibrations in my hand. This is…” He let go and shook his hand out, looking perturbed. “Maybe it’s broken.” 

“Maybe it’s meant to be used on one’s back and legs and other actually sore places like that.”

Seifer shot her a suspicious look before putting the massager behind his back and presumably into a sore spot somewhere between his shoulder blades. As the high-pitched whirring immediately dropped to almost inaudible levels, Seifer's frown turned considering and Quistis laughed as he immediately leaned against the bit of wall between Quistis’s closet and the foot of her bed, pinning the massager under his knotted back. He shifted a bit from side to side until a look of blissful satisfaction bloomed over his face.

“You look like a bear with an itchy back,” said Quistis, laughing gently. 

“Listen, that stupid fuckwaffle of a spot in my back—”

“Do you want it?” 

“Nah, it’s your birthday present.” He wiggled a bit more, which made her giggle again. “I’ll just steal it from time to time.” 

“Well, don’t put it against the wall like that all the time. I’m sure my neighbor can hear it.”

“Fuck.” Seifer reached over his shoulder to grab the end of the massager so it wouldn’t hit the floor as soon as he levered himself away from the wall. Quistis pointed to her bed.

“Lie down and I’ll help you,” she said. “I meant help your back," she added sternly as Seifer smirked at her and waggled his eyebrows. 

“Killjoy.” He took off his shoes and laid down on her bed, resting his head on his arms atop her pillow; Quistis took the still-active massager from his grasp as she came over and studied his back. Considering their usual activities, she didn’t get to see Seifer’s back very much and she took her time appreciating the subtle drape of his thin, comfortable shirt over his bunched muscles and the shadow over the dip of his spine. A bit of impishness made her climb onto the bed and straddle his butt, which made Seifer sit up and look at her with narrowed eyes. 

“So where does it hurt?” She asked, poking him in the spine with the massager. He grunted and laid back down.

“Up. Up. More up. To the right. A little more—ahhh, that’s it.” And he seemed to sink into the bed as he totally relaxed. Meanwhile Quistis had just noticed that the massager’s vibrations were apparently powerful enough to transmit through Seifer’s entire body and sitting about two feet away from the actual massager itself seemed to be… Fine. Juuust fine. 

“If you could do some little circles…” 

“Like this?” 

“Oh yeah…” Seifer’s voice was slipping into a low, husky tone that she had never heard outside of their secret activities. Quistis bit her lip as a rather familiar heavy ache that was nothing but pleasant started tightening between her legs and unconsciously she wriggled in delight. Seifer apparently didn’t notice, or so she thought until he quipped, “Never imagined you were the kind to get off on my ass.”

She bapped on him on the back of the head with the massager since it was handy. “Shut up! I’m just getting comfortable. Your butt is bony anyway.”

(It wasn’t really, but she had to say something.)

“It’s a triangle butt,” she added flippantly. 

“Like your triangle boobs.”

“Hey! Why you… Hmph!” She subsided, scowling as Seifer chuckled. 

“Doesn’t matter what shape they are, there’s plenty to hold onto. Like you, with my ass, when we’re—Ahhh!”

_“I knew that would make him shut up,”_ thought Quistis as she leaned her full weight into the massager and the bad spot on Seifer’s back. As his words garbled off into a mutter of relief, she did wiggle again to get even more ‘comfortable’ and slid slightly higher up Seifer’s back, now astride his waist and the hollow of his low back. The vibrations were ever so slightly stronger here, pulsing pleasantly though the backs of her legs and her inner thighs and into the area that she’d almost blasted into paralysis yesterday. Apparently no lasting damage had been done if the rising tightness inside was to be believed. Seifer's familiar warmth helped a great deal too.

“Hey, go lower,” said Seifer, interrupting her thoughts before they could fuzz off into even more pleasant territory. 

“Lower where?” 

He reached behind his back and knocked on his spine with his knuckles, choosing a spot that was just a few inches above where she was sitting. “Lower here. It’s always tight there and I can’t get the thing to crack.” 

“Maybe you should ask Fujin,” said Quistis as she obligingly moved the massager to the indicated place. At once the vibrations became much stronger, yet still diffuse to make her sigh instead of yelp. She hoped the noise of the motor would cover the sound and keep Seifer from getting ‘ideas’. “She’s a very good back-cracker.” 

“She’s tried,” said Seifer, sounding aggravated. “Even made me lie down on the floor and jumped on me a few times. It doesn’t move for shit.” 

“That sounds really annoying,” she said perfunctorily. It was taking some effort not to grind on Seifer’s low back. She was not entirely successful. 

“You’re telling me. Does that thing get stronger?”

“Yes,” said Quistis, licking her lips. “Just so you know, it will get louder.”

Seifer made a displeased noise. “Motor’s gotta be fucking broken. They’re never that loud in the videos.”

Quistis couldn’t help laughing. “Seen a lot of those kinds, have you?”

“Let’s just say after last night, I know what I’m talking about.” He lifted his head and Quistis was not entirely surprised to see him smirking at her. “You know, I just thought of something else to work out my low back.” 

“I knew this was coming,” said Quistis as Seifer rolled over; she had to rise up onto her knees to avoid getting thrown off her own bed. 

“You know what else is coming?”

“Don’t even say it.”

He laughed and slid out from underneath her, snagging her pillow at the same time. Sticking it between her knees, he took the massager back and stuck it underneath the pillow, which muffled the otherwise loud and obnoxious noise to nearly nothing. 

“Try that,” he said, almost innocently.

“Are you seriously asking me to ride a pillow?” 

“Just try it,” he said, putting his hands on the tops of her legs and pushing down firmly, yet not forcefully. Quistis sighed but not entirely in ill grace; she sat down and gasped when the adjusted vibrations flooded quite pleasantly, deeply, and all throughout places that weren’t hair-sensitive to touch. Seifer licked his lips, eyes glowing. 

“Were you after this the whole time?” Quistis asked, too heated to be annoyed. 

“I really did just want a back massage, but then you—”

“Oh, really? Me?"

“Seemed to have a better idea.” 

Quistis shook her head but again, didn’t have the energy or desire to be annoyed. This way was definitely much better than her dubious on-point application from last night and she braced against the bed with both hands to rock her hips over the muted, yet still powerful vibrations. She heard Seifer’s slow intake of breath and glanced up at him to see him totally mesmerized. 

“Ah-ah,” she said, shaking her finger at him as he reached for her. “You stay over there.”

“It’d be better without clothes on.”

“For you. I’m not soaking my pillow.” 

“Oh, it’s that good?” Seifer shifted a little closer, emanating waves of heated desire that made Quistis bite back a moan. 

“It’s… Adequate.”

“Use your words like a real woman,” he taunted, making her huff. “How are you feeling?”

“Like you need to shut your mouth and let me do this,” said Quistis with a groan. Seifer laughed softly, not at all put off. He seemed to delight in when she was just a little mean. 

“Fine with me,” he said, leaning back. Quistis stared as he unbuckled his belt and started to undo his pants, saying in a low purr, "I’ll just enjoy the show.”

“You are such a pervert,” she whispered, nevertheless unable to tear her eyes away from Seifer pulling down his fly and then fishing his cock out. He was more than half-hard and clearly had no reservations about showing off; his eyes were on hers as he started stroking himself, slowly and deliberately in time with the movement of her hips. His total lack of self-consciousness made Quistis blush, yet thrilled her to heights she could barely comprehend. This was what had been missing yesterday; buildup, anticipation, and the indescribable energy of another person. Of this person in particular, looking at her like she was the only thing in the entire world that mattered. 

“Don’t make a mess,” Quistis panted, grinding more urgently against the pillow; it was not going to take long at all, not in these circumstances. 

"No promises," he shot back. "You ain't making it easy."

She could practically see how he was imagining her riding him instead, yet for her knowing that he was holding back and just watching instead of taking turned her on more than she could say. He really needed to appreciate what she was doing, how intimate this moment really was. She had never, ever let anyone see precisely how she got herself off before...

On the other hand, she wouldn't be nearly this turned on without Seifer sitting right there. 

“Kiss me,” she breathed. He obliged; they were close enough that all he had to do was lean to put his hot, eager mouth against hers, all appearance of his controlled passion puffing away as he kissed her greedily, indecently. Quistis grasped the back of his neck to hold him near, panting as her finish came increasingly closer. The scent of him, his heat, how he was so close and yet touching her only here on her lips when the rest of her was surging and aching for even more sensation: it was all something she was happily drunk on and still wanted more of. She wasn’t even a little mad when she felt the featherlight touch of his hand on her hip, tracking the crescendo of her pleasure in each slowly widening, more forceful arc of her sex over the now properly used vibrator. Quistis’s breathing harshened, growing deeper and faster as the tightness wound to a painful pitch. She had to break off the kissing to take one more deep breath before everything went still in the best way and just leaning back to get that little bit more of space was enough to tip her over the edge. She heard Seifer swear softly as she clutched the sheets, legs trembling, as the pleasure surged and broke again and again, as relentless as a stormy sea and threatening to drown her just as thoroughly. Instead of having the physical reaction yanked out of her today, it actually felt like something worth having… A lot.

“Fuck yeah,” Seifer groaned, making Quistis shudder madly as she shifted off the powerful vibrations. She couldn’t believe this was the lowest setting, through a pillow, with all her clothes on, and she was still gasping like she’d run a race. “You’re the best.”

She laughed a little and gave him a fond look. “You’ve got some good ideas, yourself.”

“Yeah?” He gripped his cock suggestively, morning light gleaming off the slick and straining shaft. He’d clearly been very busy while she’d been sinking into sensation. “You wanna hear another?”

“Hmm, I think I can guess—” 

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

“Quistis!” It was Zell, his voice breaking over the second half of her name. She jerked back, stunned beyond words and Seifer hissed murderously. “Quistis, I need to talk to you!”

“I’m going to kill him,” Seifer growled, sounding nothing but serious. 

“Quistiiis!” More machine-gun-like hammering of the door ensued. He had to be hitting with both hands. This being Zell, he was surely going to stand in the hallway and shriek until he got a response. The idea of everyone looking out and seeing him make a scene made Quistis’s blood run painfully cold and she snarled in frustration. Especially when she looked at Seifer, still deliciously exposed and clearly ready for more. She wanted nothing more than to jump on him and do something that would be much better than putting up with Zell screaming his head off.

“QUISTIIIS!” 

“Get in the closet,” she hissed to Seifer, every part of her either superheated or subzero from the waves of thwarted heat and mounting horror that were pounding through her. When he scowled Quistis gave his cock a quick couple of tugs, making him sputter, and then rolled off her pillow and whispered, “I am not done with you.”

“Better not be,” Seifer muttered, half-climbing onto the bed to jump off it and land in the closet. He shut the sliding door so hard it banged in the frame, yet with all the hammering Zell was doing outside, it was unlikely that anyone heard. Meanwhile Quistis switched the massager off and schooled her face to calm, glad that she hadn’t removed any of her clothes. Then she strode to the door and opened it, nearly getting double fists to the face as Zell went to knock again and stopped himself just in time. 

“It is morning,” she snapped, not bothering to hide how annoyed she was. Her whole body was throbbing with interrupted letdown and unsated need. “What?”

“I really really really gotta talk to you,” said Zell, and he looked so wretched that Quistis almost felt awful for snapping at him. 

“Come inside, then,” she said, gesturing; when he entered, she glanced down the hall to see if the ruckus had attracted any busybodies. None so far. Good. She shut the door and found Zell pacing around her room, literally wringing his hands. 

“Okay, okay, first of all, I’m, uh, I’m…” He took a deep breath and slumped in defeat. “I’m really sorry but I think I got you a sex toy by accident.”

Quite seriously Quistis considered making Zell suffer. It felt appropriate. It would have been deserved. But… it also would have kept Zell in her room for longer than she wanted him to be, and it wasn’t like she didn’t appreciate the present so…

“That’s okay, Zell,” said Quistis, masterfully not looking at the closet. Seifer had to be dying inside, or maybe not as she heard the sliding door roll ever so faintly open. All the hairs on that side of her body stood up in pure fear because _if Zell saw him in there and put the pieces together…_

“I didn’t mean to!” Zell wailed. “I was going to get a foot massager, really, but then the salesperson was all ‘who are you getting it for’ and I said ‘a friend’ and he said 'a lady friend' and I said 'yeah' and he said ‘oh she’s going to like this much better’ and _I thought he was talking about actual massagers the whole time, I swear—“_

“Zell,” said Quistis, and had to repeat a few more times before Zell could spiral into the hysterical retelling of his comedic errors. “I’m not angry. You were buying a thoughtful, useful gift and I’m truly grateful. I know you didn’t mean anything creepy or perverted by it.”

“But then I said all that stuff last night about you needing to relax and—”

“Zell!” Good lord, he was wailing. Quistis had to go up to him, grasp him by the shoulders, and give him a little shake. “Zell, it’s fine. I’m not angry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Really?” Were those tears in his eyes? Poor guy. Her twat-block ire vanished in the face of Zell’s pure dismay, leaving behind shame and a big-sisterly sort of concern. 

“Really,” said Quistis sincerely. “I appreciate the thought behind the gift, Zell. I really do.”

“I can return it if you want,” he said, which made her twitch internally. “Get you something better.”

“You’d have to face that salesperson again,” she said, which made Zell twitch externally. “It’s fine, Zell.” 

“Okay,” he said, nodding jerkily. “Alright. Thanks.”

And then he sighed in relief and sat down on her bed, right on top of the pillow.

There was no time to scream. There was no time to do anything but stare as Zell went white as a sheet and shot what looked like his entire body length into the air, twisting around like a cat with a bitten tail to land, goggling, at the now quietly buzzing pillow. It was the only noise in the otherwise absolute silence. 

Then Zell sprinted for the door. He eeled through as soon as it slid open enough for him to get out and was gone by the time it fully pulled back, and it might have been Quistis’s imagination but she thought a faint shriek of _“gahhh”_ trailing in his wake. Quistis immediately shut and locked her door and then rested her head against it, breathing deeply. 

Seifer was not breathing deeply. As soon as the door locked, he started laughing so hard that she could practically hear him choking for air. Quistis took a few seconds to collect herself before going to the closet and flinging the door open. Seifer was slumped in the corner, wiping his eyes, wheezing, barely able to stand.

“Was it everything you imagined?” She demanded and got a weak nod in laughing response. 

“I nearly died when he first started talking,” gasped Seifer after what seemed like an eternity of amusement. “His voice. His hand-flapping. And the way he jumped, my gods—”

“I shut it off!” Quistis sighed miserably. “He must have sat it on just wrong to turn it back on again.” 

“The fucking odds!” Seifer nearly went into fresh cackles again but restrained himself with effort. “Oh shit. Shit! And I can’t share this with anybody.”

“I wonder who told him.”

“Yeah, I don’t know whether to smack ‘em or give ‘em a medal.” Seifer wiped his eyes again. “My face hurts. Wow. Can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard.”

“I’m glad you think it’s so funny,” she sniffed. “Considering that now Zell won’t be able to look me in the face.” 

“Hey, it’s not like he walked in on anything.” Seifer’s grin became much more lustful and knowing. “So, wanna pick up off where we left off? Please say yes.”

“On one condition,” said Quistis with an evil little smile. “We get to use it on you.”

Seifer’s face immediately dropped in alarm. “What? Where?”

“On a few places,” she said, enjoying his reaction. “You’re not the only one who watched a few videos last night.”

“Uhhh…” 

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. And it’s not going to be shoved anywhere.”

He nodded, but it was a small, quick motion that she read as acknowledgment rather than agreement. That came a second later when he said, “Alright. Fine. But I’m finishing in your mouth.”

“Deal,” said Quistis, who didn’t think her overworked lady parts were up to any more pounding today. 

/\/\/\

Epilogue: 

“It’s for your hands,” said Quistis as innocently as she could manage as Zell goggled at the bulk-sized container of lotion she had given him, just because. She wasn’t so evil as to present it to him in front of all their friends, especially because the flaming awkwardness on his face was intense enough when they were alone in his room. “You spend so much time wearing gloves and punching things, and I know you like to fix small machines in your spare time. Your hands could use some serious care.” 

“Thanks,” he said, awkwardly putting the giant pump bottle on his dresser. By a tissue box, she noticed. Quistis bit back a smile, or at least until Zell took a deep breath and then faced her with a grin. 

“Turnabout’s fair play, huh?” he said, and they both laughed until their sides hurt. 

**Author's Note:**

> Irvine told Selphie, who screamed and immediately told Zell. Who screamed louder.


End file.
